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[11 Jun 2005|05:18pm] hey! yeah i haven't updated in forever but oh well. lets see. lately ive just been hanging out with jacob. god i love him. hes all that matters.<3 me and lauren got in an arguement kinda cause shes bitching about crap because shes jealous of jacob. but i dont care because he means way more to me then her. so whatever. im done with that. yeah i think thats all. bye! <33 chantal 13 comments|post comment

note to self: i miss you terribly [13 Feb 2005|11:44am] [ mood | determined ] [ music | kid rock ] hey guys, havent updated in like forever and a day. ive been grounded for like the last month. this weekend i babysat my cousin and got 40 $ for it. then yesterday me and my dad, and his friend jasmine and her daughter and her daughters friend went to the mall, and i got lauren a v-day present, since i couldnt buy jake one. but anyways. and then i saw jacob, and that went good, it was kind of sad, and i wanted to cry for him. but were okay now. and today im going out with him and his mommy to dinner. fun. im kind of nervous... wierd? i dont know. alrighty im going to go. i love you jacob - chantal post comment

how about a tall glass of stfu? [09 Jan 2005|08:36pm] [ mood | amused ] hmm... yeah i cant remember what i wrote in here last but o well. umm... me and lauren and val and kailey went to see the darkness today. yeah that movie was weird. and the ending was retarded. but whatever. ive been really confused about a lot of stuff lately. and ive stayed home and havent really gone anywhere. school starts in two days and i have to go take my 3 finals that i missed tomorrow. woot woot. me and lauren took a bunch of cute pictures at my house last night, so ill have to put them in here when i get them uploaded on a computer. so yeah i guess im going to go and do something else. later <3 chantal 2 comments|post comment

love is just an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt [30 Dec 2004|04:12pm] [ mood | horny ] hmmm.... this break is going fabulous. i dont know what else to say.   I picked you out Of a crowd and talked to you Said I liked your shoes You said thanks can I follow you? So it's up the stairs And out of view No prying eyes I poured some wine I asked your name you asked the time Now it's two o'clock, the club is closed we're up the block Your hands on me Pressing hard against your jeans Your tongue in my mouth Trying to keep the words from coming out You didn't care to know Who else may have been you before I want a lover I don't have to love I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck Where's the kid with the chemicals? I thought he said to meet me here but I'm not sure I got the money if you got the time You said it feels good I said I'll give it a try Then my mind went dark We both forgot where your car was parked Let's just take the train I'll meet up with the band in the morning Bad actors with bad habits Some sad singers They just play tragic And the phone's ringing And the van's leaving Let's just keep touching Let's just keep keep singing I want a lover I don't have to love I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk Where's the kid with the chemicals I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full I need some meaning I can memorize The kind I have always seems to slip my mind But you but you You write such pretty words But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt And to hurt "Do you like to hurt?" "I do! I do!" "Then hurt me." I dont like Chris. im in love with Jacob Kyle Taylor.   3 comments|post comment

i hate everything [29 Dec 2004|04:22pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | wtaching Gladiator ] i try to tell the fucking truth and it blows up in my face. even when they tell me, "i wont be angry with you i promise, just tell me whats wrong." and i get suckered into telling them and then they freak out on me. i did want to kiss chris, i wanted to, past tense. i dont want to be with him, i want to be with jacob. if i was going to cheat on him it would have fucking happened already. its all about trust, if someone cant trust me enough to know that i wouldnt do something like that to them, then its not fucking worth it to tell them anything. i love jake more than anything, and thats exactly why i didnt let anything happen. temptation is a powerful thing, but i have never been one to give into it, if i knew that it was going to kill the best thing that i have. im a stronger person then some people think, i can think for myself and make my own decisions, and have more control over what happens in my life, then jacob thinks. im fucking sick of messing things up all the time. he wanted to know, now he knows. im the fuck up here. but im not the only one whos done anything wrong, and thats the way it always seems to turn out. im sorry jake, i need you to trust me, cuz i wouldnt do something like that to you. and i didnt. i thought i could share with you how i feel, but now i dont know what i can and cannot tell you. lets just forget about all this, and start over. since theres a new year starting, lets start our relationship over too. i really am sorry. and i do love you. <3 chantal you know im not the only one who needs to change, you know how the conversation started. i just found a friend in one of your lies to treat me so nice i can't believe my bones when they say so many things they tell me i am fine believe me i, i try oooh oooh oooh... ever so sweet... you make this seem the way things go its not my fault and i'll miss i'll miss you so good through all of those nights we lost our way back home ever so sweet you baked it in cakes for me were you left behind it hurts my teeth bringing the past with the postcard you sent for me every line it brings me right back down can't you see the wall you built for me can't you see the wall you built for me can't you see the wall you built for me cause we're not special we're not special we're not special well i'm not special i'm not special ever so sweet you baked it in cakes for me were you left behind it hurts my teeth bringing the past with the postcard you sent for me every line it brings me right back down 3 comments|post comment

jingle bells, jingle bells..... [25 Dec 2004|05:55pm] [ mood | grateful ] OH im so excited.... its christmas. i got a butt load of clothes, and new pair of adidas. yay. and jake gave me the cutest picture of us two. ahhh. ummm.... OH!! i got a digital camera, with one of those printer things, from my aunt. cuz im her favorite neice, and cuz im spoiled. i love jacob kyle taylor more than anything. i hope everyone had a good christmas cuz i know that i did. woot woot. tomorrow me and lauren are going to the mall to shop, cuz she got a butt load of money i guess. and then on monday i have to go to the mall again with my grandparents so i can buy myself some stuff. but that kind of sucks cuz i was supposed to hang out with jake on monday and now i cant, im bummed out, and i think hes kind of mad at me for it. but i cant do anything about it. i dont like when he gets angry at me, cuz im scared that he'll break up with me, and you all know how that goes. ummm.... but yeah im on the phone right now, so im going to go.... peace out!   MERRY CHRISTMAS 2 comments|post comment

so deep, that it didnt even bled and catch me [22 Dec 2004|02:38pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | The Used- I Caught Fire ] hmmm... i stayed home sick today. great, cuz now i have to make up the finals. fabulous. o well. life's great. seriously. things are going just the way i want them to, for once things are working out for me. and i love jake. yesterday he came over after school, good times yo. : ). tomorrow i think that me and lauren are going to hang out with christopher, but yeah im not sure, lucky me im stuck at my dads house. then christmas eve. woot woot. jakes going to come over, and im so excited to give him his present. yay. alright well im out.   <3 chantal post comment

forgive me, cause i dont know what to do [17 Dec 2004|03:49pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Copeland- When Paula Sparks ] <3 <3 <3     I remember when I'd run to you through field of white flowers Your embrace is my air How I needed you there And all of the world and All of it's powers Couldn't keep your love from me no Couldn't keep your love from me Cause I need you Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind Like the orphan needs home once again Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been And then I waved goodbye to you From fields of white flowers You were so proud of me I was too proud to see that All of the world and All of it's powers Couldn't keep your love from me no Couldn't keep your love from me Cause I need you Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind Like the orphan needs home once again Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been Taking for granted (taking for granted) ... all of her smiles That got away And now I'm looking up to you From fields of white flowers You were so proud of me I'm so proud of you All of the world and All of it's powers Couldn't keep your love from me no Couldn't keep your love from me Cause I need you Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind Like the orphan needs home once again Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here I need you Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind Like the orphan needs home once again Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been La da da da...     <3 <3 ( <3 ) post comment

[16 Dec 2004|03:15pm] [ mood | in love ] [ music | Sail Away With Me- David Gray ] hey everyone!!! I LOVE JAKE TAYLOR.  just a side note- everyone who thinks that they know me can shut the hell up!! everyone whos sitting there saying that i cheat on jake, can shut the hell up too. those of you who think that are the ones i dont even know myself. you go off what other people hear from other people, and we all know gossip gets worse as it goes on. if you asked any one of my really good friends, they would tell you i would never do anything like that to anyone, especially not jake. when im trying to build my trust in him, and trying not to lose his love, all the people making him believe bullshit isnt helping. i dont know what ive ever done to you to make you say shit like this, but it needs to stop, cuz the things i hate the most are liers, and getting blamed for shit i didnt do. dont say shit unless you have proof.   alright thats my vent for the day. jake is the coolest kid in the world.  seriously. <3<3<3 hmm... school is almost out for the break, woot woot. me and jake are going to hang out on the 2 half days. yay. and i think hes coming over christmas eve, but that depends on how daring hes feeling that day. well my familys not that bad.  alrighty well ill see yall lata. peace out.   to my love- i love you, and i always will, honestly. i love you x 923046797610967904761097614674767594930283756675849343038487565858494933039484775657.792727 x infinity. ha beat that sucka.......   <3 chantal 5 comments|post comment

your embrace is my air, how i needed you there [11 Dec 2004|02:46pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | Collin Raye- Love, Me ] umm... me and bailey went to bed at like 3 30 last night, and i got to talk to jake at like 1 or so. that was a fun convo. but were okay now i guess. he shouldnt be mad at me since it really wasnt my fault i was lied to. but me and bailey woke up this afternoon at like 12 15. fun stuff. im staying the night at laurens house tonight. and i think were going to hang out with kailey. i was hoping to see jake today, but whatever. maybe we can do something tomorrow. hopefully. so if you see this jake, call me. and im really hating some people right now.   <3chantal 3 comments|post comment

ill bite my fingernails until it hurts no more... to dig you out [10 Dec 2004|10:39pm] [ mood | IM and IDIOT!! ] hey yall i feel like a complete idiot. im such a little shit. i totally thought that jake was at the mall with some other girl when he told me that he wasnt going to be able to go to the mall. i wouldnt have thought that if SOMEONE hadnt lied to me and told me that. but he called baileys fone and accused me of being with someone i wasnt even with. and that was pretty homo. but then i called him and left a message and totally yelled at him and said something about him being with another girl, when he wasnt, and now i feel REALLY stupid. but its not really my fault that i was misinformed. i didnt really think that he was there though, but since he thought i was going to break up with him, i could have seen why he would be mad. UGH and he thought that cuz of someone else too! people are sooo annoying, i dont know why they cant just stay out of peoples business and let them live their lives themselves, instead of butting in and causing misunderstandings. now im scared cuz the last time this happened it didnt end well and i dont want that to happen again.   so jake if you see this by any chance, im really sorry i accused you of what you didnt do, but it really wasnt my fault, cuz i got lied to. i know i shouldnt have said anything without talking to you first, but i was a little pissed. im sorry that you think im going to break up with you. but you cant let what other people tell you influence you, you have to come talk to me about it. cuz we all know what happened last time. i dont want this to end up like that. i would never break up with you, i wouldnt want to lose the best thing in my life right now. you know i love you and i dont want you to think i dont. ill always love you, you mean everything to me, you really do. i dont know what else to say besides im sorry. <3 chantal       ( Sail Away With Me ) 3 comments|post comment

Jose can you see?..... [30 Nov 2004|03:39pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Lauren singing the National Anthem ] i dont remember the last time i wrote in this. but special stuff has happened me and lauren went to the battle of the bands 2 fridays ago. on the way home her mom got a flat tire, and we were stuck in the Fry's parking lot for an hour. and we drank amp. lauren played the "spanish theme" on her guitar and i salsa danced. good times, good times. thanksgiving was mucho interesting. i went to my aunt tinas house and had lunch, then i went to my aunt catherines house for dinner, but i didnt eat. i got to talk to becca and i havent seen her in forever. saturday jake and ryan came over. that was mucho funo. hehe. my mom tried to get me to decorate, but i was too lazy. oh yeah friday i was hyperventilating on the fone with lauren. haha it was the funniest thing. im so tempted to punch someone in the back of the head. i wont say who tho, cuz that would be mean. anyways.... sunday i stayed at home, jake was supposed to come over but he never answered his fone, and he was at ryans. so whatever. i still love you tho jake. i talked to him later tho so its all gravy. i now oew him 81 $'s. fabulous. me and my brother went to blockbluster, and got lost in the springs, but then we got found again. school has been fine this week. its been colder than f outside tho. i need more money to go christmas shopping, since someone is taking it all. so yeah thursday im going to a dance concert. fabulous. im staying at my aunts this weekend with becca. oh man that child, i dont know what im going to do with her. and then me and jake are going to hang out. lauren is the most biggest nerd in the universe. jake i my love, hes in my math class now, which means we have lunch together everyday!! woot woot. you just cant break up with me jake, cuz that would suck. lol. im in love, im in love, and i dont care who knows it. so theres this new kid at school and he just converted to muslimism (he a foreign exchange student) <3 bye my love post comment

cant you feel it, rolling of your lips, tensing up your shoulders, come on [13 Nov 2004|12:38pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Taking Back Sunday- Bonus Mosh Pt. 2 ] hmm... yesterday i didnt go to school. and coincidentally neither did jake...hmm?? um thursday he came over, and "beat" me at pool. but he only beat me cuz i hit the eight ball in, i so would have won if i didnt do that. now i have "make-out" bumps on my back, cuz we were wrestling in the grass, and my skin is sensitive to grass. good job. yesterday i went to my moms work, and got my hair done. it looks black, and im scared. but its all gravy. then me and my mom went to my brothers baseball game, and it was colder than f outside. and it was raining. gayness. hopefully jake can come over today, or tomorrw... but i think hes going to go practice for a band or something. and plus im now grounded till wednesday. fun stuff. aww man, i am so in love with jake its not even funny anymore. like the more i see, and hang out with him, the more i need to see him and hang out with him. i can never get enough, and i hope it works out. cuz theres no way im letting this one end. <3 chantal So scream, I heard about your message, and how it reeked of your indifference. It bleeds horizontal straight from your wrists. (So scream louder now.) I'm bound to come around, I'm bound. (I'm bound to come around.) Well can't you, can't you feel it rollin' off your lips, tensing up your shoulders. Come on, say it. Well it's love. (It's love.) Make it hurt. (I deserve it.) Well it's love. (It's love.) Make it hurt. (I deserve it.) Well it's love, it's love, it's love. Make it hurt. I said I used the inconsistencies to undress the machine. You're the poster boy, their selling point, the focus for the new campaign. (Something has to be done.) I'm bound to come around, I'm bound. (I'm bound to come around.) Can't you, can't you feel it, rollin' off your lips, tensing up your shoulders. Come on... Well it's love. (It's love.) Make it hurt. (I deserve it.) Well it's love. (It's love.) Make it hurt. (I deserve it.) Well it's love, it's love, it's love. Make it hurt. The keys to the castle are right where I left them. The princess walked in just to take more attention. 'Cause after all, well isn't that all that I've been after, and after all, well isn't that all that I'm after yourself. (No way out.) I give up in me. Well, I give up in you. (No way out) I give up in me. (No way out) Well, I give up in you. I give up in you. (No way out) I give up in you. I wanted you for nothing more than hating you for what you were. If that's what you wanted to hear. (Well, if that's what you wanted to hear.) I wanted you for nothing more than hating you for what you were. (Don't leave, leave.) If that's what you wanted to hear. (If that's what you wanted to hear) I wanted you for nothing more than hating you for what you were. (Don't leave, leave.) If that's what you wanted to hear. (If that's what you wanted…) (It's love, it's love.) I wanted you for nothing more (Make it hurt, I deserve it.) than hating you for what you were. (If that's what you wanted to hear.) That's what you wanted to hear. (To hear.) That's what you wanted to hear. (If that is how we let it burn.) 3 comments|post comment

without you im a mess [10 Nov 2004|10:47pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | The Used- I Caught Fire ] me and jake are going out... yay!! hes like the coolest, and i couldnt ask for anything better. no matter what people say or what he says about himself i will always love him. hes my everything, really. tomorrow theres no school... rock on. today had to be the single most gayest day ever. school just sucked. and im upset with my mommy which is never good. i think jakes going to come over but im not sure when. since lauren ditched me, but whateva. hehe. but shes going to see camedon so its okay. i forgive her. ummm... well i dont have much else to say besides.... i love jake kyle taylor. peace out <3<3chantal 2 comments|post comment

are you afraid of being alone? cuz i am, im lost without you [06 Nov 2004|11:15pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | my boo ] yeah this week has been a good one. jake came over on sunday (halloween), and we hung out with lauren and ryan. i got my booty covered in dirt and grass. tear tear. but hes going to get it this time, and im going to beat him at pool too. school has been gay like always. the week seemed to drang on for forever. eww there was a scorpion in my kitchen friday morning. and my mom was about to cry when she saw it. jake went to mexico, he left thursday so i havent talked to him in a while like 3 days. i miss him...:(, and its only been three days, how pathetic. o well i love him more than anything, so anytime that i dont see him i miss him. me and bailey went and saw surviving christmas today, it was funny stuff yo. and then we ate at famous daves with her parents and a bunch of other families. and now my tummy hurts cuz i ate too much. im kind of scared, and i feel really bad, cuz i know that another girl has feelings for jake, and i didnt know how strong they were, but i guess shes pretty serious about it. i just dont want him to ever think that someone loves him more than i do. grrr... but next weekend were going to hang out, score. so jake can get to know my mom better. haha. fun stuff. lauren and bryan broke up. and bryan had some lame reason, but whatever. hmm... tomorrow i have to go to dance practice for vals birthday... that should be interesting. and then i dont know what im going to do. nothing probably. im ace-ing this place, peace out. <3<3 chantal 2 comments|post comment

this is the way i, should have done this, up against a wall [30 Oct 2004|10:44pm] [ mood | sleepy ] we went to go see the grudge today. steven smelled like gas, car gas. we tried to spray him with body spray but it didnt work. me and lauren have already seen it so derek and bailey and steven were freaking out the whole time. they didnt even watch like half the movie cuz they were watching their hands most of the time. ahh man... some people make me go funny haha. me and lauren are staying at baileys house tonight, and were going to leave in the early afternoon. cuz jake and ryan are going to come visit us. and ryans leaving me to go to queen creek high, whateva.  and then were going to go to jannas house to trick or treat. woot woot. my costum is waay cute.. well duh. my mommy went to a halloween party tonight and shes going to be staying at a hotel cuz shes going to be to drunk to drive home. fun shtuff. people piss me off with their dumbness. i know im dumb sometimes, but common sense people come on. hmmm.... im going to go. peace out homies!   <3<3 chantal   HOLLA!!     Don't close your eyes Just let me be The air you breathe Everything you need Don't say goodnight I'll take you there Anywhere, anywhere you want Lay it all it down Heavens been found in your arms All that I know is I won't let go until you do With nothing left to prove, but everything to lose And all I know is all I want it is you All I want it is you Just let me leave You will follow on Until the sun comes asking questions now Then fall to sleep inside my arms And hear my heart cryin' out for you Lay it all down Heavens been found in your arms All that I know is that I won't let go until you do With nothing left to prove, but everything to lose And all I know is: All I want is you is you.. Theres nothing left to prove, but everything to lose, And All I know is: All I want is you is you.. post comment

[30 Oct 2004|12:27pm] [ mood | happy ] jake (jakee)lol, i love you with all my heart, dont let anyone ever let you think differently. since i met you my life has changed, and im convinced that its changed for the better. after all weve been through it just makes me love you that much more. i never want to lose you to anything.i have the best times with you, even if were just sitting around talking to eachother. im not going to give up on me and you, and i hope you wont either. i just want to make sure you know how i feel about you, cuz i feel like i dont do enough to show it. i try my best. :). your like my best friend, and i know i can always talk to you about anything, and im not afraid to be myself around you. bootyshorts? <3 chantal post comment

im just a fool. im just a fool for you [30 Oct 2004|11:57am] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | Copeland ] man o man. its amazing the things that can happen in a bath tub. ha. half days are my favorite days. so yesterday me and lauren were going to go to a haunted house, but then when we got there we totally wimped out which is pretty sad... o well. we watched a really gay scary movie, and it had to be the dumbest movie ive ever seen. and then i fell asleep watching halloween h20. this morning we washed robbie's truck, cuz it was all muddy from his off roading. the things we do for that kid. geezo. i love jake kyle taylor. so, were going trick or treating tomorrow in seville i think, with janna. or something. i dont know for sure. but im going to look way cute. woot woot. well im going to go. peace out <3<3 chantal post comment

i know you know everything [23 Oct 2004|12:15am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | oprah ] so today i went to the varsity hamilton game with bailey. we were supposed to go see the grudge but we got ditched for that. but its okay cuz i got to talk to vance today. i think hes going to come with me and bailey to go see the grudge. i miss that kid, hes way cool, and i wouldnt want to lose him as a friend. ahh man. tomorrow i have to babysit 3 little kids. but laurens going to come help me. im getting paid 11 dollars and hour from 4 00 to 2 30 am. woot woot. im excited to have mucho denero, cuz i never do. im excited and happy now. im not worrying about anything. i got my anger out on that last entry, and thats all i needed. that was my vent. im done. woot woot. <3 chantal post comment

i should have known that you were a killer, but now im dead [22 Oct 2004|10:10pm] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | Senses Fail- 187 ] yeah im sick of the bull shit excuses, if your going to tell me something tell me the truth. the more i think about it the more im ready to say, forget it. this is gay and im sick of dealing with it. and stop trying to make me seem like the bad person when i didnt even do anything. i think you need to pull their head out of their ass, and take a look around, cuz then youll realize your not the only person with feelings, or the only one that matters, so stop acting like it. if you want to play these little games with me, go ahead, cuz two can play at that game. stop being immature and take responsibilty for YOUR actions. if your going to let other people tell you things about me, and your going to believe them over me, and not even talk to ME about it first, then dont even sit there and tell me how much you trust me and that you love me, cuz its all bull shit. your being a shallow asshole, and sorry i had to be the one who told you. but when you love someone you tell them the truth, but i guess you werent informed about that. </3 chantal you are my sunshine, my only sunshine you make me happy, when skies are gray youll never know dear, how much i love you please dont take my sunshine away 1 comment|post comment

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